Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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