her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
