The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
