you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
