Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
