1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I am spending my child support on dildos
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
