just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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