the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
