it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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