Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
