Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
