why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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