as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
