we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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