maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
