alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
