nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Someone came in the potted fern
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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