The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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