She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
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took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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