dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
