Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
