I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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