there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
