Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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