i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He's a Shit stain on my heart
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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