You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
