I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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