oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
