Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My liver is preforming stress tests.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
