ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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