Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
