Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
