I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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