a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
