He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
