Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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