I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
