It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
