my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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