Life is so much better after having sex.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
