a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
