I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
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He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
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Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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