I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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