so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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