That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
