What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
