you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
