my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
