Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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