Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
