allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
