Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
This house was built for laser tag.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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