To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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