I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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