Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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