And the cops told us we were all naked.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
