dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
