with your own penis?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
