My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Randomize
